I realize this is a hockey blog, but I felt it was necessary to write about the Penn State Scandal. I hope this helps you understand, what I consider to be, a rational Penn State alum (me!)
It’s amazing how millions of people go to different colleges and come out with completely different feelings on their time spent there. Some students do their 4 years, focus on their education, appreciate their school, and move on with their degree, forever. On the other hand, you have people who went to Penn State (or Ohio State, Alabama, etc.). Many (not all) of the people who go to these schools bleed school colors, and never truly grow up completely or let go of their college self. We graduate from these schools with a particular arrogance, taking pride in the social experiences we gained along with our education in comparison to those who focused on education alone. Let’s not kid, by social experiences, I tend to mean sporting experiences. I admit this arrogance is coupled with a certain immaturity that we still have - a ridiculous need to be better than others, but that immaturity preserves a small piece of the innocence that we had when we entered school. Just about everyone that had that sliver of innocence left from Penn State had it torn away from them abruptly amidst this scandal. This is my explanation of why I fought to keep it until the end.
I graduated from a high school near Pittsburgh in 2002 and I had never even considered Penn State as a college option. It was too big, too many people from my high school went there, and it was too close to home. So I didn’t even apply and I went to the University of Richmond in Virginia. I was a huge sports fan (Pens, Pirates, Steelers) and Richmond, VA was the wrong place to end up for a sports fan. I was too far from my own teams and Virginia had nothing for me to latch onto. I was a lost 18 year old who hated his surroundings and thought college was the worst thing ever. On top of it, I was way too far from my family. I was constantly homesick. I also had an older sister that was suffering from muscular leukodystrophy, and 6 hours away was just too far away.
Any solace I could find was through what I could grasp of home - Steelers games (when televised) on Sundays and Penguins games on the radio on random weeknights. Now that I had entered college, I began to learn about the world of college football on Saturdays, especially because I did not drink and really had nothing else to do as I sat around by myself. I eventually threw around the idea of transferring and came up with 4 schools that were closer to home and that had sports programs I could really get into: Pitt, Michigan, Maryland, and Penn State. (Clearly I did not know much about college sports at the time, as there are rivalries abound in the 4). Penn State was the early favorite, as I had latched onto watching their football team, coached by the legendary Joe Paterno, the most.
After looking through majors and transfer requirements, Penn State became my only target. I now had a goal, which was get into Penn State, and I had something to feel great about as I watched their football games every Saturday and hoped that I would go there. I still vividly remember watching them lose to Iowa in overtime that year on questionable sideline calls and thinking about how Zack Mills threw a great deep ball (I clearly knew nothing). But more importantly, I had hope and I was excited to transfer closer to home and into that environment and to find out everything that being a Penn Stater meant. Without question, getting my acceptance letter to Penn State as a transfer was one of the happiest days of my life.
Starting at University Park in the Spring of ’03 was all I needed to change my attitude on college. I loved it immediately. The campus was huge, the people were passionate, and there was an unbreakable bond in saying that you went to Penn State. There was a feeling of belonging that I couldn’t quite find at Richmond. It was as simple as shouting “We Are Penn State!” I suddenly had a family of thousands, a new home, and I was ecstatic about all of it. Quite suddenly, a kid who thought that the best 4 years of his life were over after high school saw the light that he was entering the best 4 years of his life in college.
On top of it, being at Penn State provided me with a 2nd home. My sister had gotten pneumonia over spring break, and it was a tough week hanging around the hospital. By the end of the week, I was worried about leaving home, but a certain comfort fell over me when I got to school. It wasn’t quite home, but there was a certain optimism and happiness that I would get on campus that made me feel like everything would be okay. That is what Penn State initially was to me. It was the feeling of hope and happiness that anything and everything could turn out well.
In hindsight, it was silly and immature that I made my decisions surrounding transferring based on how sports teams measured up, but it changed my life forever. Somehow, my immature decision to follow Joe Paterno and Zack Mills and let them influence my life turned into the best decision I could have made as I grew as a person and matured into adulthood. Football was the way of life at Penn State, but I learned so much more along the way to add to my hope and happiness. My sister ended up passing away during the summer after my first semester at Penn State and this was the first time I appreciated the school for its educational possibilities as I started to consider Pre-Med going into my sophomore year. Despite the tough summer, going back to PSU for the fall provided me with a distraction (football) and a goal (career) all at the same time.
The next 2 years were spent trying to figure out why I transferred to a school that promptly went 3-9 and 4-7, why I thought Zack Mills was any good, and why I sat through a game that ended with a 6-4 loss. They were also the years that I decided what I wanted to do with my life: Marketing, no wait, Marketing and Pre-Med, no wait, Marketing and Psychology, no wait, I have no clue. I also got involved in Dance MaraTHON. (If you don’t know what THON is, please visit www.thon.org. It is a truly amazing event as thousands of college students get together to raise money for pediatric cancer.) While I was in school, the actual event was 48 hours long, but thousands of students spent the better part of 6 months to make it happen. By the end of my junior year, I was involved in organizations, and I was working on my career path: Marketing and…something similar to Pre-Med? I was maturing as a person.
Then senior year, something truly special happened to the Penn State student body. The football team was revived. People who read the previous statements might think it’s ridiculous that I call it something truly special, but for the 100,000+ people that filled up Beaver Stadium, no stronger bond could have been built at the time. Penn State came out of nowhere to take a 1 loss team into the Orange Bowl and beat Florida State in 3 overtimes. Many of my most priceless memories I have are from that year. Upsetting Ohio State at home, going to Michigan to watch us lose with :00 left on the clock, and driving down to Miami without sleeping to go to that ridiculous Orange Bowl game. I can tell you exactly who was with me for each event and they are all special and priceless to me (regardless of the outcome…Michigan). Campus was constantly excited, everyone rallied together, we were brimming with pride. I got involved with THON again, and we raised (at the time) a record amount. We were finally edging on being the best at everything and we were so proud of it.
Now, tonight, I look back on this 5 years after graduation. I have since moved back to Pittsburgh, and am looking for a place to make an impact on the world (read: a real job). I have earned a JD and MBA since graduating from Penn State, and yet I feel like I learned more in earning my undergraduate degrees (Marketing major, Psych minor, Bio minor was the final result). I chose to go to Penn State at one of the roughest times of my life, and it came through for me. Penn State gave me a second home. It was a place to learn, grow up, and to make friends that are now as close as my family is to me.
So, why am I writing this tonight? Because I want everyone to know that this scandal surrounding Penn State and Joe Paterno is not about football, and it is not about the students and alumni being upset about a football program. You can simplify it to football if you have no urge to use your brain, but it is about much more than football. The alumni are not upset about Paterno being fired as a football coach. I am not upset because Joe Paterno is just a football coach. When I heard that Joe Paterno was fired tonight, I cried. I cried because Joe Paterno made Penn State into what it is today. My decision to attend Penn State was based largely on what he built the school into. In a way that many Penn Staters understand that no one else can, Joe Paterno has indirectly changed my life and who I am forever. Beyond that, I am very proud of who I am, and inherently, very proud of the school that made me this way. I thank Joe Paterno for his influence on the school and for making me who I am without us even meeting.
I do not know what Joe Paterno knew about Sandusky. Honestly, I don’t care very much at this point. I’m aware and agree that he should have done more to stop Sandusky. There are still many more details that will come out in the next few months/years, whether it be via allegations, testimonies, or who knows what else. We can deal with those disgusting issues when they come out. Despite all of this, I do know that Joe Paterno has changed hundreds of thousands of lives in a positive manner, and has donated millions of dollars to a place of higher education that will continue to change lives. Penn Staters are upset because of how Paterno was thrown under a bus by the media and thrown out unceremoniously with a phone call from the university. I realize this is how the world works, and for that I simply say it makes me sad. In my opinion, Paterno should have been allowed to coach one last game, not for himself, but for his players, and all of the lives that he has influenced in a positive manner over the course of decades. Watching Paterno thrown out like this killed that little sliver of innocence that my 18 year old self maintained through all of these years. He may not have deserved a last game for what he did/didn’t do, but I and many others like me deserved a last game to honor him for changing our lives.
With all of that said, I want anyone who reads this to know I have not forgotten about the victims and the families involved. I pray for them every night and I urge you to do the same. I do not want this to be misconstrued as a statement of more outrage for JoePa’s firing than for the victims. All I am asking is that you consider the other side when you look at all Penn Staters and think they are crazy for being upset. We all have our own stories. We are all human. I cannot imagine being one of those victims and I am amazed at their courage in coming out to take this scandal down. I wish the very best for them.
Now, 9 years after I entered Penn State, I’m just a lost 27 year old who is confused by his surroundings and shocked by his alma mater.
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